Saturday Night Live Whopper Virgins

Many burger pureists are finding frustrating with Burger King's repeated attempt at comedy and shock marketing. Seems like the writers at Saturday Night Live agre!

Check out the HILARIOUS SNL "Whopper Virgins" parody from the January 10, 2009 episode.

Shorty's.32 - A Surprise Entry into the Top 10

Shorty's.32
http://www.shortys32.com
199 Prince St
New York, NY 10012

THE STORY
What started out as a simple double date turned into a surprise Burger Conquest. But who doesn't love a good surprise? This tiny restaurant in Soho brownstone only sits 32 people and serves New American cuisine. Shorty's.32 small size gives it the appearance of some one's eclectic dining room.

THE BURGER
As I looked over the very limited menu, my friends suggested I get the burger. "Is this going to be one of those?" I asked. "Better get out your camera," I was told. With only 2 choices for cheese, I ordered a burger medium rare with cheddar, lettuce and onions. My friends, Matt and Melissa, both urged me to go outside my norm and "get the bacon!" It was the right call. The burger was fantastic; juicy, cooked to perfection and full of flavor. The bacon was salty but slightly sweet and when pressed up against some delicious cheddar cheese, made for a perfect pair. Shorty, the owner, asked me how was the burger and I told him "an instant entry into the top 10."

You gotta try this burger and while you are there, be sure you order the Macaroni and cheese. Most restaurant mac and cheese is bland and boring because we all grew up on Kraft, which is amazing. I have to hand to Shorty's.32, it's crispy on top and bursting with cheesy goodness. I had to split it with my wife (who also loved it) because it's a large portion. With all this great food, it would be easy to overlook the french fries, which were also delicious.


8 out 10 ounces
-Rev

Rossi's Bar and Grill - ChambersBurger

Rossi's Bar & Grill
http://rossiburger.com/
501 Morris Avenue
Trenton, NJ 08611

THE STORY
Rossi's Bar & Grill is located in Chambersburg, which is Trenton, NJ's "Little Italy." Rossi's is the kind of place that passes on from generation. Your parents took you there as a kid and you still go now as an adult. Friendly service, warm atmosphere and great food make for a place you can share with kids, adults, parents and friends. It's the kind place that prides itself on a great burger.

Rossi's has a bar and a restaurant area and we chose to sit in the former. I asked the bartender "can we order food at the bar?" He answered "sorry guys. We decided to stop serving food." When he paused before continuing, I looked at my friends, surveyed the room to see if others were eating and then with an extremely puzzled and probably upset look on I my face, I asked "really?" The bartender laughed, handed us menus and asked what we wanted to drink.

THE BURGER
Although Rossi's offers a full menu, it's all about the burger. I ordered a burger cooked medium rare with cheddar cheese, onions and lettuce along with a side of well done fries. It was a monster of a sandwich better eaten with 2 hands. Russ opted to cut his in half but I dove right in. It was exactly as promised and anticipated. A perfectly cooked, old-school, manly sized burger. No need for fancy toppings or specialty beef mixes, Rossi's keeps it simple. A great roll, fresh lettuce, raw onions and a nice slice of cheese helped to make this greasy burger a good one.

I like a simple burger done right and that's exactly what you get at Rossi's.

Be sure to check out the amazing looking bacon on Bram's burger!


7 out of 10 ounces
-Rev





R.I.P. Lynn - This one was warm, friendly and welcoming, just like you. Cheers.

Shake Shack - Cure the Common Hangover

Shake Shack
http://www.shakeshacknyc.com/
11 Madison Ave
New York, NY 10010

For centuries man has sought to remedy his ails. Many cures throughout the ages have been discovered, but one in particular still puzzles the species, the hangover. One this particularly cold New York City morning, I found myself searching for a similar cure.

Enter, Shake Shack, one of the most heralded and sought after hamburgers in the big apple. The Shack is located in Manhattan's Madison park where they've been serving up hand held happiness since 2004. The place has out door seating only and is notorious for long, long lines of people queuing up to get their hands on the west coast style (ALA In-N-Out Burger) and believe me, it's well worth it.

At 11:30 am on a Saturday morning in 32 degree weather, the line is pretty darn short! One large diet coke, crispy crinkle cut fries with Shake Shack's signature cheddar / American cheese sauce and one ShackBurger, hold the tomato. The secret to the Shake Shack's delicious hamburger is their meat; a concoction of 25% brisket + 25% chuck + 50% sirloin = 100% awesome! Or in this case;

Shack Lunch + Freezing air - hangover = Happy!


8 out of 10 ounces
-Rev

Paul's Burger Place - All Picture and Pile

Paul's Burger
http://www.paulsburgers.com/
131 2 Avenue
Manhattan, NY 10003

THE STORY
Paul's Burger Place was the first burger joint in NYC that I fell in love with. Many a nights I chowed down on a Turkey burger with chili and eggs before seeing bands at the famous but now defunct rock clubs, Coney Island High and CBGB. Although Burger Conquest didn't exist, Paul's has been open since 1989. Paul's has a 50s diner vibe with a mess of vintage toys and decorations about the place which provides for a unique experience.

THE BURGER
With so many topping options, it took a minute decide what I wanted. Burger cooked medium rare, always on an English Muffin, with a fried egg and cheddar cheese. The burger to bun ratio showed a lot of beef on all sites. But size counted for little as the burger was not only over cooked but flavorless. So big and poorly put together was the patty, that it fell apart after only a few bites. Not nearly as good as I remember. I am guessing its a lower grade beef than we are used to.

Matt ordered a double burger with blue cheese and bacon. The sheer gargantuan size of the burger was cause for enough challenge. Unfortunately it fell apart so quickly that it was reduced to a greasy pile.

While a good time was had, a good burger was not.


5 out of 10 ounces
-Rev

House of Brews - Looks that kill

House of Brews
http://www.houseofbrewsny.com
302 West 51st Street
New York, NY 10019

House of Brews has 2 locations in Manhattan's Theater district / Hell's Kitchen. It's a great pub to meet people for happy hour or to have one of their very wide selection of beers. With 1 Burger Conquest already in my belly today, I had not planned on second. But while at the pub with some other Conquesters, we saw this on a menu;

"Manhattan Slider Platter $45
15 mini burgers topped with cheddar cheese or BBQ pulled pork topped with garlic slaw."

15 burgers on one plate? How could we say no? We didn't but honestly, we should have. The only thing impressive about them was the presentation. 15 sliders on a plate with a sea of french fries in the middle looks really cool. Unfortunately, that is where it ended.

The fries were good but that's easy to do. The burgers tasted more like actually flame broiling or the grill they were cooked on than ground beef and cheese between bread. When you considered they cost $3 a piece, it was even more depressing.

If you end up at House of Brews, stick to the beer.

4 out of 10 ounces
-Rev

White Castle Microwaveables - New Year's Hangover Cure

White Castle Microwaveable
http://www.whitecastle.com/
Happy New Year fellow conquesters.

To ring in the new year appropriately I wanted my first meal to be hamburgers. Unfortunately I spent the holiday in upstate New York at family member's house. They're still all asleep, my car is back home and I'm in a town that's miles from a great burger. What to do?

This is where my childhood years as a scout pay off. "Always Be Prepared," is the Cub / Boy scouts motto and today I most certainly followed it. I picked up a little somethin' somethin' along with my holiday mixers before the party.

Awwww White Castle, oh how I love thee. Let me count the ways. 1, 2...as in how many burgers come in a pack. Leave to the world's best slider chain to give you their goods any where, any time, so long as you have a microwave.

For a $1.99, you can't beat it! They only take 35 seconds to cook if already thawed! How can magic happen that quickly? Only the wizard high up in the White Castle tower can answer. Added bonus for me, they come exactly how I order them when I'm on location; cheese and onions only. No pickles or catsup for this purest.

From all of us a Burger Conquest, we hope 2009 is a prosperous and happy year for all of you.

White Castle Microwavebales vs. New Year's Hangover - winner = me.

From THE GREAT BURGER CONQUEST

7 out of 10 ounces
-Rev