Ruby's Diner Burger at Home Turf in LAX - Stuff Yourself With a Burger Before You Stuff Yourself Into a Seat

Ruby's Diner Burger at Home Turf in LAX
http://www.rubys.com
http://www.yelp.com/biz/home-turf-sports-bar-los-angeles
300 World Way
Los Angeles, CA 90045

THE CONQUEST
Name me the last time you had a great meal on an airplane. Unless you flew first class, you're lying and even then, I still might question you. Bad airplane food is so commonplace that the secret committee who polices standup comedy routines have banned it's use in jokes. (Also banned; jokes about "white people dance like this / black people dance like that," and "kids say the darndest things.") But it's true, airplane meals suck worse than the tiny seats you have to eat them in. To combat such horrible food, I always try to grab a bite before I fly the friendly skies.

Airports, while over priced, can have some decent food options (along with some piss poor ones as well) but you have to know where to look. You'll also need to be early for your flight which I know a lot of people can't stand. Not me. I get to the airport 2-3 hours before my flight. That way I get through security without rush and then have time to get something to eat and drink.

When I am in leaving the Los Angeles, CA airport (LAX) from the Continental Airlines Terminal, I have a little tradition. I always stop into the Home Turf Sports Bar and have myself a turkey burger from Ruby's Diner. You could just go to Ruby's but I like to have a beer or glass of wine to loosen up my nerves before hopping on the fly-fly and of the 2, only Home Turf offers adult beverages. No need for drinks? Stop in an enjoy the 1940's themed diner restaurant chain popular in 7 different US states.

THE BURGER
After settling down on a bar stool, opening up the laptop to write a review on In-N-Out, I waved over the bartender. I order the same thing every time; a turkey burger with American cheese, not tomato, french fries and a tall, cold beer. I'm pretty sure the burgers are frozen and pre-made (like you would find at most fast food burger joints) so they come out pretty quickly. The burger is served on a sesame seed roll with lettuce, mayo and although I asked for it without, tomatoes. It's warm, juicy and filling. It's also better than any other option in the terminal. By that standard, it's pretty damn good. If you judge it by the microwaved "charbroil" burger I was later served on my flight, the Ruby's turkey burger is divine! I ate every bite and nearly every crispy french fry in my basket. It's a great pre-flight meal and if you're usually in the same mode as I am at the LAX airport, good for hangovers.


7 out of 10 ounces
-Rev

Umami Burger - For Rappers By Ninjas

Umami Burger
http://www.umamiburger.com
850 South La Brea Avenue
Los Angeles, CA 90036

THE CONQUEST
After 3 days in some of the worst rain LA has ever experienced, we were dying for some dry weather and sunshine. What better way to do it than an out door Burger Conquest with our friends Ash and Shawn from Sumerian Records! People have been blowing me up for sometime about the new LA burger chain Umami Burger and the curiosity needed to kill the cow.

Umami was started by wine expert Adam Fleischman and has quickly grown into 3 locations. What's up with the name you ask? While it does sound like the name of an elite Japanese Ninja assassins cartel, it is actually a word for a particular flavor reaction. According to Umamiinfo.com "umami is a pleasant savoury taste imparted by glutamate, a type of amino acid, and ribonucleotides, including inosinate and guanylate, which occur naturally in many foods including meat, fish, vegetables and dairy products. As the taste of umami itself is subtle and blends well with other tastes to expand and round out flavors, most people don’t recognize umami when they encounter it, but it plays an important role making food taste delicious." Beef naturally has high levels of the stuff and it's part of what makes us want to partake in the "Glorious Pursuit of Delicious Burgers."

THE BURGER
I really wanted a beer and was initially let down to find out Umami does not server any. They do however have a VERY long list of unique sodas and among them, one of my favorites, Australian Ginger Beer. While we sipped on our sodas out came the perfectly rectangular and crunchy triple-cooked Hand Cut fries as well as the Malt Liquor Tempura Onion Rings. The fries were good but the onion rings were among the best I have ever had. For those of you not familiar with Malt Liquor, allow me to explain.

Malt Liquor's creation was based on making an affordable malted barley beer with a higher alcohol content. Typically sugar is added to the malt which helps to achieve these golds. It's more commonly served in larger quantities in a 40 ounce bottles. Due to it's low price, unique taste, intense effects frequent appearance in hip-hop videos, most people see this a beverage designed for a lower class. For those of us that enjoy the malted beverage for what it is know that it gets you crunked up right quick! When it comes to cooking, the alcohol burns off when cooked and the high levels of sugar and malt can add an intense flavor to food. Having said all of that, let me tell you, these were some damn tasty onion rings. Thankfully we got them to split so as to save room for the burgers.

I went with the "Hatch" Burger; 4 types of green chiles and house cheese. Green chiles are one of those not too often found burger toppings that all the critics love. They have a nice tangy flavor but aren't really hot. When I see them on a menu, I always lean towards ordering them and today was to be no exception. That and the server told me it was the best burger on the menu. When Adam designed the burger at Umami, he was inspired by the attributes of burgers from In-N-Out and Father's Office.

Cooked on a griddle, the hand made patty is loose and falls apart upon impact. The beef has a very naturally mild flavor and is seasoned with salt and pepper. The homemade cheese (most items at Umami are homemade in the restaurant) is a gooey and buttery cloud of taste sensation. Packed on top of the hatch chiles, it provides a pallet that pulls the flavors together. It's all piled between a Portuguese style roll that has a hint of sweetness and is toasted before it's served. The sturdy roll is an important counter balance to the loose and melting items inside.The entire package was clearly put together by a burger lover for burger lovers.


8 out of 10 ounces
-Rev

Grill 'Em All Truck - Patty In The Parking Lot

Grill 'Em All Truck
http://grillemalltruck.com/
Los Angeles, CA

THE CONQUEST
Outside of my wife and family, my life is about 2 things; music and food. When the 2 come together, it's a magical moment. It's the reason why I like taking bands out for burgers. As I was planning my trip out to LA to see the Cancer Bats play the Henry Fonda Theater, Scott from the band (who took me out for the venison burger that changed my life) hit me up and asked "Have you heard of the Grill 'Em All Truck?" Little did Scott know that I was already talking to Matt and Ryan from Grill 'Em All about throwing a little burger shindig!

Let's jump in the Delorean and go back a couple of months. A friend emails me a link to a story on Grub Street about a new burger truck in LA that serves heavy metal themed burgers. Moments later I am composing an email to Matt Chernus and Ryan Harkins, the 2 men behind the Grill 'Em All Truck (the name is a pun on a Metallica album called "Kill 'Em All".) They write me back and I am absolutely flattered to hear they are fans of the Burger Conquest site. We knew we had to do something together and it was just a matter of time.

Matt and Ryan, having played in bands with each other both decided to hell with past career moves and wanted to bring together their 2 biggest passions, food and heavy metal. Thus was born the Grill 'Em All Truck. You can find the truck roaming around LA serving up gourmet burgers named after heavy metal bands. Try the burger named after Polish black metallers "Behemoth"; "grilled cheese buns, smoked cheddar, apple wood smoked bacon, beer soaked onions." Veggies fear not, you can order the burger dedicated to the British vegetarian thrash metal band "Carcass"; "veggie pattie, guacamole, pico de gallo, frizzled onions." Be sure to get an order of the "H100s" to go along with your burger. They are tater tots served with a 3 cheese, roasted garlic dipping sauce.

The truck is always on the go but you can find them but checking their upcoming locations on their website and twitter. You can also book them to cater your private events and parties. If you're Burger Conquest and the Cancer Bats, you design your burger and invite your fans to enjoy the burger with you after your show. Available with a beef or veggie patty, the "Cancer Bats" burger comes topped with a pineapple, "Grandma's" BBQ sauce, bacon and cheddar. If you're the Rev, trying just one of these burgers was not going to be enough.

THE BURGER
The "Cancer Bats" burger was really good. The mix of smoky BBQ sauce, tangy cheddar, salty bacon and and juicy beef created a food mosh pit between a soft white bun. From the look on people's faces, they agreed!

While I love a crucial food hang with the dudes in the Bats, I have to admit, I was all about sucking down a "Molly Hatchet" burger; "seared fennel smoked sausage gravy, apple wood smoked bacon, maple drizzle." Words can not describe the anticipation and excitement that was welling up inside me to try this glorious concoction. There is a reason why chocolate covered pretzels are so popular, the tantalizing mix of sweet and salty. It's the secret that drives people wild about peanut butter. As a trained chef, Ryan knows this and it was with this knowledge that he created the "Molly Hatchet." The flavors just exploded as I bit into it, overwhelming my taste bands and brain. It was that same euphoric feeling you get when you're at an Iron Maiden concert and they rip into "Number of the Beast." While I have never been a huge fan of the band Molly Hatchet, this burger was so frikkin' awesome, it made me want to celebrate their entire catalog!

"Can't think of a better way to top a fantastic night......first my band Cancer Bats played one of our best shows ever in LA, had a ton of fun, kids went crazy in huge circle pits and we all had huge smiles on our faces after....only to turn into an amazing heavy metal parking lot rager complete with a heavy metal burger truck! As if this couldn't get any better, the Grill 'em All Truck made an honorary Cancer Bats burger!

With cheddar cheese, bacon, grilled pineapple and BBQ sauce this was easily the best burger I've ever tasted coming from a food truck! The pineapple complimented this delicious banquet burger so well every time myself or a friend would take a bite it would be followed by a chorusing "this is SOOO GOOD!". Simply delicious and so big the Rev had to finish for me! Also some of the best french fries I've tried in LA and the cheese filled tater tots seriously blew my mind! If you're in LA you must find the burger truck and order a Cancer Bats burger!"
9 out of 10 ounces
-Scott Middleton, Cancer Bats

Between meeting Matt and Ryan, watching one of my bands eat a burger named after them and trying one of the most unique burger creations on the planet, I have to say; I think the Grill 'Em All Truck could be a shoe in for my top 12 in 2010!


8 out of 10 ounces
-Rev

The Apple Pan - A Daily Habit

The Apple Pan
http://www.applepan.com/
10801 W. Pico Blvd
Los Angeles, CA 90064

THE CONQUEST
My business partner Adam and I were in Los Angeles on a business trip. One of our bands, Shadows Fall, was performing on Fuel TV's Daily Habit and we stopped by the studio to watch them perform. The episode airs on Friday, February 5th at 9 pm EST. Once the taping was over, the guys loaded up their gear onto the bus and headed off for the first date of their current tour. Adam looked at me and said "I'm hungry." Although our next meeting was to be over lunch, I looked back at Adam and without missing a beat replied "I know exactly what to do. We're 0.9 miles away from solving your problem."

THE BURGER
A few minutes later we arrived at one of my all time favorite burger jams, The Apple Pan. Open since April 11, 1947, they serve a very simple menu made of burgers, pies, tuna salad, fries and drinks. No frills, no fuss, no over thinking. Just wait for a seat to open and place your order.

Knowing we were going to be eating again soon, Adam and I kept it simple; 1 Hickory burger each. Everything is made right in front of you as the counter wraps around the very busy grill. The burgers come wrapped in wax paper, no plate. Grab a wad of napkins because the bad boy is a messy one! The burger is made of fine quality beef and topped with the freshest condiments and bun. The difference here is the hickory sauce which is like a smoky ketchup / BBQ sauce combo. Why they don't bottle and sell it is beyond me. The burger was just enough to leave us satisfied but not kill us for the 2nd lunch.

If I worked at Fuel TV, the Apple Pan would become my Daily Habit!
Click here for our full review of The Apple Pan.


9 out of 10 ounces
-Rev

Del Taco - What Would You Do For a Taco With French Fries

Del Taco
http://www.deltaco.com/
6768 Santa Monica Boulevard
Los Angeles, CA 90038

THE CONQUEST
The first Del Taco opened in 1961, one year before the other guys. Although both began in California, only one of them made it all the way to my home state of Michigan. As a teen, I spent a lot of expendable income mowing down cheap tacos. But many years later, I finally made my way to California where I was introduced to the fast food delight known as Del Taco. What makes Del Taco different? In a California, drive-thru, fast-food culture based around burgers and tacos, Del Taco offers both on the same menu. Not enough to entice you? The menu also offers french fries, chili, breakfast and cake...yes CAKE!

With nearly every visit to the LA area since 1996, I have made a stop at Del Taco. It's utterly fantastic fast food with American and authentic Mexican food items as well. And let's be honest, french fries with tacos? That is like peanut butter and jelly, beer and hot wings, ice cream and hot fudge, pork chops and apple sauce...OK maybe not that last one. But seriously, hot crinkle cut fries and tacos...it's a match made in fast food heaven. Get some, put them in your taco and enjoy the love.

I have seen menu items come and go, the addition of Del Inferno Sauce, the sale to Sagittarius Brands and more. But the one thing I have NEVER done? Eaten the Del Taco burger.

THE BURGER
Del Taco is good all times of the day but it's especially tasty when one has sampled a few adult beverages. With a few bubbling around in my belly, I got me the craving for Del Taco. The order, 1 chicken soft taco, small fries and a cheese burger. The burger is made of 100% pure beef, served on a sesame seed bun with cheese, pickles and ketchup. Not a fan of the last two condiments, I ordered without. With much pressure to live up to my own personal hype, I took a bite of the burger. While the bun was fresh, it was too much or perhaps the patty was too little as the bun to beef ratio was off. The cheese was your standard American cheese product of which I am a big fan. It's salty, greasy, fatty and it's bad for you but it tastes so good. The patty itself was small, overly salted and dry. While I hoped for some kind of burger victory, it just couldn't live up to the tacos.

Now before you go get all turned off, realize that I mean no harm in this post. I love Del Taco for their tacos, burritos, french fries and especially their breakfast menu items. I just wouldn't rank the burger on a must get basis but saying that, you must get everything else! Be a real fatso and line your tacos or burritos with fries. Skip the ketchup and be sure to lather on a packet or two of the Del Scorcho or the hotter Del Inferno . For fast food hot sauce, it's the best. In fact, I usually snag a whole handful of packets and take them home for adorning other food times.

Although there are now 6 locations in Michigan, I now live in NYC and am praying for the day they open a Del Taco here. Click here to sign the official Burger Conquest petition to bring Del Taco to the East coast.


6 out of 10 ounces
-Rev

SIGN THE PETITION TO BRING DEL TACO TO THE EAST COAST!

In-N-Out - Create a Base

In-N-Out
http://www.in-n-out.com/
4444 Van Nuys Boulevard
Sherman Oaks, CA 91403-2908

THE CONQUEST
Burgers are a miracle cure. Well, maybe they can't get you over the common cold or prevent cancer but they sure can help you out in a pinch. While in LA on a business trip, Adam and I were running around town, going from meeting to meeting. We really didn't have time for a meal and en route to a drinks hang at Big Wang's Wings, we pulled into an In-N-Out drive-thru. I knew we were in for shots, big beers, wings and the like and needed to get something in our stomachs before the liquor began to flow.

THE BURGER
Please don't tell my friends in the LAPD, but yes, I took photos, while eating and I drove with my knees. Adam didn't complain but perhaps that was the double double he was shoving into his face. In-N-Out knocks fast food out of the park. The burgers are made fresh, their made fast and they have been that way since 1948. When on the West Coast, I heavily suggest getting some.

For our full In-N-Out review, click here.


7 out of 10 ounces
-Rev

Bill's Bar - Hater's Be Damned

Bill's Bar
http://www.billsbarandburger.com/
22 Ninth Ave
New York, NY 10014

THE CONQUEST
On this Sunny Friday afternoon in January, I found myself craving a burger. I'm sure you laugh and think that goes through my head every day. However, this time was different. I've been on a post holiday "diet" and working out like a madman. This morning at the gym I noticed that I had lost 7 pounds. Feeling pretty good about my accomplishment, I decide to justify this craving with a reward burger. After much go between on the Burger Conquest Twitter whether to hit the Shake Shack or Bill's Bar, it's decided; Adam, the Meat God and I are going to Bill's Bar.

Now the last time that Bill's Bar got Burger Conquested, was a very special event. We hosted The First Ever Burger Conquest Costume Burger Ball and it was a blast. Since then, I have been dying to go back to this B.R. Guest restaurant in NYC's meat packing district.

THE BURGER
With no delay, the Meat God ordered an Oreo shake, onion rings and a "Sunset and Vine" burger. "I knew what I was getting before I came here" he proclaimed. The pressure was on. I started with an order of the Texas Brisket Chili; Brisket, Bacon, Beans and a lot of Spices, topped with Onions, Diced Cheddar, Sour Cream. Because I wanted to maintain some semblance of health, I ordered sans sour cream. (Go ahead laugh.) The chili was fantastic! The red onions and the sweetness of the barbecued brisket made for a really unique chili taste. It wasn't very spicy but it certainly was robust with flavor. I would definitely recommend it to the curious. Be warned though, it's a hearty portion. Get it to share.

Curious to try something different, I also ordered the "Sunset and Vine," which is a "Bill’s Classic" with Cheese topped with Lettuce and Special Sauce. Again, trying to make healthier decisions, I asked for it on a whole wheat bun. As the patties at Bill's are thin and cooked smashed style, it doesn't take too long for them to arrive. I took my first bite without the sauce just to confirm, that yes, Bill's makes a fresh, delicious and flavorful burger. It's not too greasy but it is a little juicy. The sauce however, is quite unique. I thought it had a smoky peanut butter taste but the server confirmed it was a BBQ / mayo based concoction. Whatever it is they put in it, they should bottle and sell it! I must say, the whole wheat bun was better than the white, not only in taste but also in strength. The bottom buns at Bill's have a tendency to fall apart from all the toppings and the juice but the whole wheat held strong throughout the sandwich.

I know the critics are tied and while some love Bill's, there are some haters and to them I say "are you out of your freakin' minds?!??!" This being my 3rd burger at Bill's, I can firmly tell you, this place is fantastic. So you know what, go ahead and hate it. That just means more Bill's for me and Bronar!


8 out of 10 ounces
-Rev